NSLI-Y 서울 Summer 2019

I found that I was logged into my WordPress account despite not having visited this website since a few weeks(?) after our wild trip. I never made a post on here despite meaning to while we were in Korea, so I’ve decided to further test my ability to turn in schoolwork by the deadline and write one now.. (Wow!! It’s been almost two years! This has to be my biggest procrastination achievement yet.)

I think that a lot of us are in college/thinking about college/moving on from high school in general by now, and I haven’t had the chance to talk to all of you recently. (This is mostly my fault for not logging back into Kakao or Discord since I redownloaded them.) I’m also not sure if there’s anyone who might see this post? Maybe it will send a notification? Anyways, I think we’re all just doing our own thing – which is cool! I think all of you are great people who deserve to be happy in whatever it is you’re doing, so take your time and try not to put yourself under too much stress.

The pandemic certainly isn’t making this an easy feat, though, so if you find yourself feeling more anxious, isolated, unmotivated, or just generally upset than usual, that’s completely valid, especially with the added stress of the transition into a new learning format. Many of us have been robbed of exciting experiences because of this virus, and it’s okay to be upset about that, too. I’m definitely struggling with some disappointment about my college experience so far, but as I was working on a (late) assignment yesterday, I saw a quote that said something along the lines of “An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior.” I’m not sure how much more of an abnormal situation we can get in – and this isn’t limited exclusively to the pandemic – so try not to be harsh on yourself for feeling a bunch of stuff right now. (I feel like some of you might physically fight me if I forced you to read “We are in unprecedented times.” for the 70th time this week.) Most of us are struggling, and with a diverse set of issues. If it offers any solace, I flushed my room key down the toilet on accident and still forgave myself even though I had to pay $35 for a new one. (I know this is nothing compared to other problems, but I hope it was funny.)

To possibly provide some help or entertainment, here’s a longer-than-I-meant-for-it-to-be paragraph about different tips:

Please take breaks from the screen regularly, not just when you get headaches or when your eyes feel strained. Drink water. Dedicate time to resting and and sleeping. Engage in hobbies that you have been putting off for a while, but don’t intend on doing them perfectly. Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to rely on friends, family, or professionals if you’re having trouble coping. Move around, and try to get some sunlight. Winter can be a very cold and cloudy time, so take in the (hopefully) warmer temperatures as Spring approaches. Work on blaming yourself less for things that you can’t control. Communicate with your teachers/professors if you’re having a difficult time focusing. Speak up for what you believe in. Let yourself acknowledge that you are prone to mistakes just like everyone else. Remember to set aside time to eat. (And let yourself have a treat every so often, if you can!) Take the occasional second – or more – to aggressively curse the various, unrealistic standards of this society. Kick a pile of leaves. Talk to your pet about life. Use post-it notes to display the constant “AAAAA” going on inside of you on your window. (Have tried the post-its, is very effective.) Strive for TikTok fame. Lay on the floor. Do a cartwheel even if you’re terrible at it because whose opinion do you really value enough to regulate your cartwheel fun? Just do whatever questionable (but harmless) things that bring you joy and/or comfort. Most importantly, please stay safe! I know some of these are easier said then done, but even a small effort is better than none. (That rhymed. Dr. Seuss is under more threat than he thought.)

The main point of this post is just to let all of you know that y’all are valued individuals. I will accept no arguments or denial related to this.

Seriously, though, I am really glad to have met all of you during NSLI-Y. (If I didn’t talk to you much, I probably wanted to but gave in to wretched cowardice.) I have our group photo from the hostel on the wall directly in front of my desk, so I think of our cohort very often. I can’t wait to possibly see you again, even if it’s through Zoom! Once this pandemic ends and we manage to return to something resembling normal, I expect to see every single one of you at a future reunion dressed in your best clown suits. (This is a threat. Ominous positivity, if you will.)

Not the best conclusion, but I am wondering: Do we have some NSLI-Y fanfic or was that a concerning fever dream?

Tragic news about the site moderator.

Tragic news about the site moderator.

Tragic news about the site moderator.

Ago

I came into a new place. New in both location and mindset. It was the very first official day of my new life in Korea. I was in a world where I knew basically nothing: I was ignorant of the culture, of the language, of the laws, of the beautiful subway system. The only thing I knew was that I was going to be with a bunch of perfect strangers (also known as the NSLI-Yians) for the most life changing 6 weeks of my life. I had no idea what I was going to be doing, nor did I know just how much my life would be changed.

By the end of the second week of classes, I had already hit the bottom of my w-curve. I was overwhelmed and feeling pretty blue. My emotions were a mess. I was developing a crush on one of the girls on the program. I was suffering and lagging behind in my classes. I’d never felt so pressured, so out of place, in my life. It was a harsh, new sensation.

Fortunately, all of the people on the program have hearts of gold. (If I honestly took the time to say how each individual helped, I’d be up typing until my train to Hongdae leaves.) With their help, I got through it alright. By the time the next week came around, I felt more ready for Korea. I was more confident in my ability to make it here. Sure, I got constant glances and stares from natives, but that’s to be expected when you’re an African-American in a very homogeneous, high-context culture.

From Now

It’s not as though life became instantly easier. There were still plenty of rough patches, but none as awful as that first one.

I’ve now reached what’s essentially the halfway point, and now I’ve realized just how much I love life here. I have the sweetest host family and an amazing roommate. I’ve got a pretty decent grasp on societal norms and I can sorta understand basic Korean and I love the subway songs. This NSLI-Y cohort is the most amazing and beautiful and talented collection of legends ever seen on this Earth.

It’s going to be rough three weeks from now. It’ll be the end of a journey that I never thought I’d see. I don’t think I’ll be able to totally readjust to American customs. I’ll never forget all the people I met and all the things that happened here. I’m a different person now.

I’m sorta sleepy, yo. I think I’ll end it here for this one. I love this crazy, noisy, bizarre town.

About eight hours ago, I was in deep discussion with my partner in crime (the wizard Aaron) about everything I was feeling. How I felt alone and uncertain. How I wish I were as inherently influential and respected as he was. How I felt left out, in a sense. How I want to be someone who people want around when they go out to do interesting and fun things. How Korean life as a whole felt. We shared stories of our interactions with the natives. We talked about why we were on the program to begin with. We talked about how uniquely amazing the people on the program are. And while I felt pretty bad at first, by the end of our talk I felt less awful and more thoughtful.

So far, I think my only major regret is simply not studying and implementing more. I know that if I studied more, I could talk more, and if I could talk more, it’d really add to the entire immersion experience. And I’ll admit, studying has never been my strong suit. I have to change my mindset, and that can be tricky to do. I have no doubt that it’ll be worth it.

Everyone on this journey has a special place in my heart. I can’t imagine I’ll be able to forget them or all the lovely memories they created with me. Every thing I’ve done thus far, from KFC to tonkatsu, the Han River to the Kyobo Book Centre, has been unforgettable and meaningful to me. I am immeasurably grateful to all of the beautiful, intelligent, and loving individuals on this program.

But in exactly four weeks, it’s over. And what comes after is, in a word, uncertain. My college isn’t communicating with me well. I haven’t selected my courses yet because I can’t make any of the sessions. I don’t know what my house looks like because I left before we had one. I don’t want to go back home because my home- Arizona- and where I live now- Texas- are totally different things. In fact, as of today, I have been in Korea longer than I have been in Texas. Seoul is more like home to me than Austin may ever be. I don’t know what to expect after I arrive in the Austin-Bergstrom airport. I don’t know what I want.

Right now, though, I’m not going to worry about that. There’s no sense in putting energy into something that I cannot properly address right now. I think I’m just going to focus on what needs to be done here and now- studying the language, absorbing the culture, and creating irreplaceable bonds.

Maybe, when it’s all over and the dust settles, things will be a little more clear.

If the American Airlines app is to be believed, my flight boards in 8 hours and 44 minutes. In just under 9 hours I will be on my way to meet my cohort, the people I have been chatting with for months, and together we will embark for 6 weeks in Seoul, South Korea. It’s still hard to believe this is all real, even 86 days after I received my finalist notification, that in a few short days I will be living in another country and immersed in a new language.

While I’m both excited and nervous right now it’s hard to tell which is winning. The nerves mainly come from my lack of experience with the language. But as my NSLIY friends keep reminding me, I am going on this program to learn the language and no one expects me to have it mastered. Nonetheless, I worry about communicating with my host family or finding my way through Seoul as a foreigner. I know it will all work out in the end, and I shouldn’t let my nerves squash my excitement. And at the end of the day, that is how I feel- excited, beyond thrilled, ecstatic; and I cannot wait to start this amazing adventure.

Seeing as all great adventures start with a good night’s sleep, I should probably try to catch some shut eye. 5am will be here before I know it and that’s when this new chapter begins.

~~ Katie

It’s funny. Nothing is packed. I’m sitting on a couch typing. I have no fear, no urgency. I’m relaxed. I’m content.

That’s just because nothing has set in yet. It hasn’t occurred to me that I’m not going to see my family for seven weeks. It hasn’t occurred to me that “home” will be Korea for the next month and a half. It hasn’t occurred to me that I really ought to get a suitcase for my stuff. The only thing that’s really set in for me is that I’m technically homeless, as my home was sold about a week ago and we don’t have a new one and I am currently located in a hotel.

Out of all the amazing people on this trip, there are moments where I feel like I’m the least deserving of this honor. I applied on a whim when I saw an Instagram ad. I turned in half of my documents late. I honestly forgot about the program between the part where I applied and the part where I got the semifinalist notification. Heck, when I got the notification, I had to look up what the program was in order to jog my memory. Yet somehow, someway, I made it in.

When I’m in that KakaoTalk group chat, I can’t help but marvel at all these people who I’m going to become family with over these upcoming several weeks. It’s sort of surreal knowing that by the end of this program I’m probably going to bawl because I don’t want to leave these unique and beautiful individuals. They’re interesting, they’re amusing, they’re smart, they’re fun, they’re creative, they’re clever. They’re people who I want to get to know even better. I want to leave this program with at least 49 new friends.

Though I suppose it’d be a little awkward to make all these friends when I still haven’t packed a single thing. I guess I should get on that.

My flight leaves in about 13.5 hours. I doubt I’m going to sleep until then.

I can’t describe how happy yet terrified I was at the same time when I got an email from my host mom. The moment I had been waiting for since my acceptance finally arrived, and I was about to make my first impression on the family that would be taking care of my for the rest of the summer. That’s pretty scary, but it was also a relief to know that these were real people that seemed to really be up to the task of dealing with me. My mom is an English queen and I’m really relived about that, and my dad is a small business owner. As an only child, I’m really looking forward to being a 형 for a bit. My little bro is 12 and plays soccer and video games.

So great, now I know a bit about who they are, but now the real question is, what do I get them? I decided to give them each an individual gift and one practical gift for all of them so here they are:

For my Mom: I got her a small necklace from Neiman Marcus, an iconic Dallas department store. It’s nothing too flashy because let’s be real, my family ain’t loaded with money, but I hope she likes it.

For my Dad: I got him bobblehead of the Texas Rangers outfielder, Shin Soo Choo. He’s a Korean player for my local baseball team, so I figured it would be symbolic of cross-cultural exchange. He can put it somewhere around the house or at his work if he wants.

For my Brother: I got an FC Dallas T-shirt because I hear he likes soccer. I really hope it fits, or he can at least grow into it.

For the whole family: Everyone needs to get groceries, so I got them a Texas themed bag from my local Trader Joes.

Overall, I know gifts aren’t the biggest deal, but I want to make a good impression on them. If you’re still deciding on last minute gifts, perhaps this may help a bit. If you already have them, I’d love to hear what everyone else came up with. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

heya there, blog readers (hopefully some future nsli-y korean applicants among you)! i’m shelby. i’m 2019’s resident clown and i’m here to tell you about my nsli-y journey. make sure to follow my blog over at https://shelbodoeskorea.home.blog/ for daily posts about the program!!!

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although i remember stumbling across the nsli-y website when i was in middle school, desperately searching for a program willing to send 12-year-olds abroad, i wasn’t able to apply at the time. thank the universe for that! the idea of going abroad had escaped my mind until this past october, when my mandarin teacher brought the subject up to me; i’ve long been the fastest-paced student in a class used mostly for giving language credits to kids who flunk spanish, and she wanted to see me take my skills to china. she mentioned nsli-y in particular, and i recognized the logo, so that night i obsessively read over blogs from nsli-y china alumni, excited that something i had dreamed about as a kid might become a reality!

when i pitched the idea to my parents, however, they were adamant that i would not be going to china. it was too dangerous, they said, and their minds were made. in the financial state my family is in, nsli-y is the only program that would allow me to study abroad. i couldn’t afford to do rotary exchange like other students at my school were going to do. i had to get into nsli-y if i ever wanted to have that experience. so, going out of my comfort zone, i picked another nsli-y language: korean. i spoke close to none, only knowing about 50 basic words and present tense conjugation. the reason i chose korean, though, was because i remembered my kpop-obsessed friend kareena trying to teach some to me in middle school, before i even knew about my passion for foreign languages. since i’d moved on to mandarin and french, i’d all but forgotten about korean being one of my first language-learning attempts. i decided that nsli-y was going to be a challenge for myself: i would see just how far i could get starting practically from scratch, and return to my “roots” as a language learner at the same time.

in total, 5 or 6 people from my school alone applied to be in nsli-y. i remember crying opening the semifinalist notification email, confident that i would be rejected. 3 of the other applicants from my high school already took korean classes on weekends and were easily intermediate level. despite that, and against all logic, i was the only one accepted as a semifinalist. i was ecstatic. with a boost of confidence, i spammed as many people as i could find on kakaotalk until someone added me into the 2019 korea group chat.

the interview came and went, and i met tessa, another florida friend going to seoul! i became the first person in my family to ever own a passport, which i promptly took ten million pictures of, and anxiously awaited hearing back about my position. my self doubt got to me again, and this time, i was pretty sure that i was going to get looked over in favor of tessa. i assumed with absolutely no evidence that nsli-y based acceptances partially on regional quotas. surprise surprise, we both got in. i cried! my acceptance story was a wacky one, though. bonkers, if you will. my portal said “finalist instructions” at the top when i checked it during school, but…. i had no forms. alumni i talked to said that that probably meant i was an alternate, and i cried again, thinking i was an idiot for assuming i was accepted. this was in the car on my mom’s birthday, too, by the way. two hours later, an hour after everyone else got their confirmation emails (which made me cry harder), i got my email. but still no forms! i was happy but very confused. after a few days reaching out to nsli-y, my forms were given to me on the portal. i was, at last, confirmed finalist for the seoul program.

the entire experience would have been better if i had stopped doubting myself. throughout the entire process, i always assumed the worst outcome, and it made me miserable. crying over cheesecake on my mom’s birthday as i tried to figure out my status was horrible, even though it was really good cheesecake! to any and all future applicants who may be reading this: believe in yourself. even if you’re a first time applicant, even if you’re up against other students, even if you have no reason to believe you’re anything special. you are! not getting in will not be the end of the world, ESPECIALLY if it’s your first time applying, like me. if you do get in, that’s amazing, but if you don’t, you will still find happiness!

i remember a particular phrase i said while i thought i was rejected: that i would have to see other people live my dream out for me. looking back, i know that isn’t the case. just because other people get to live your dream first, doesn’t mean you never will, or that you can’t live it in conjunction. remember this during the process, and i promise that it will all turn out alright.

you will turn out alright.